Here's the follow up to the "Breaking up" post a few folks have commented on:
As might have been anticipated (or recommended) by anyone reading the "Breaking up" post, I had a half-hour meeting with a good therapist before getting in touch with the soon-to-be-former friend. He had some good suggestions, observations and predictions. Among the predictions: That she might contact people, asking them not to tell me she'd been in touch, and give a self-serving and misleading account of our conversation.
The break up conversation itself was very low-key. I told her that the past year of unfolding revelations about her husband's repeated dishonesty in their marriage had made me so uncomfortable around him, and her, that I didn't want to continue the friendship. She said "fine, have a nice life," and "bye." I was greatly relieved, until a few hours later someone came to me asking if it was true that I'd broken up the friendship because her husband was having job difficulties. Of course, she'd asked the person not to say that she'd contacted them with this information.
We discussed how to set her straight for about two minutes, and then it slowly dawned that neither of us had any obligation to get back to her about it.
It was a lovely, lovely feeling.
I've probably used up a large chunk of my allotted karma for June, but it feels like a good investment.